[She's hesitant at first, uncertain if he'll accept the apology for what it is. It might be too late. She's resolved herself to follow what Ezio wishes instead of hoping for anything more than she may deserve. But he takes her by the hands and encourages her closer, forgiving her so quickly that she can't do much more than gape in surprise, not expecting it. Ezio's always been kinder than she's given him credit for, because their roles in life - and their respective "jobs" - keep them from expressing that sort of tenderness outright. It's a weakness.
But Ezio and she are very much alike: they care too much.
Hawke's eyes find his when he speaks of his family, her gaze sympathetic and pained.]
Oh, Ezio. I'm so sorry.
[His family gone, killed for no reason. He's lost so much. And all he has is Claudia, as she only has Bethany. Their lives are so parallel to one another that she begins to see, at last, what Ezio means when he warns her against vengeance.]
It's not about vengeance. I just...don't want to lose anyone anymore. I have nothing left but my sister and even now, I have to send her away. She can't be with me after Kirkwall.
[She's never told him about that battle with Meredith and even now, she's not ready yet. But she wants him to know that she understands his caution.]
My father is dead, my brother killed by an ogre when I left my home, and my mother... A blood mage did horrible things to her. I can't tell you-- [And couldn't, even now. That night has been burned into her memory forever. Her grip tightens on him briefly.] I just don't want it to happen to anyone else. I don't want to keep losing the family I've gained. But we've already left Kirkwall and we've separated.
Once I've left Zelien, I'll probably never see them again.
[She and Anders will be hunted down, Anders for his destruction of the Chantry, and Hawke for her aid to the mage uprising. And though she's lived so much of her life on the run for one reason or another, she suffers no illusions about keeping alive with the Chantry and Templars actively looking for her.
It takes a moment, even in his arms and in his gentle grip, for her to comprehend what he's trying to say. The first, of course, because Hawke does not love herself first and never will, having learned from her father that life is not worth living without others, without their love, and without the hope that they give simply by being alive.
Her voice is quiet when she speaks, a smile on her lips that is all too self-deprecating.]
No, it's not. It's not a life I care to live.
[Without those she cares for, she knows she will never live as she once did. Hawke never wanted gold or an estate, a title or the respect of a city. All she wanted was to be loved and to have a family to call her own, people she could care for and to adore in her own way. To protect, to serve. And absent of those people, her friends and blood family, she has nothing.
And it's not much of a life.
Her hands cover his and squeeze gently. For all that he has hurt her, he has only tried to make her see. He's only tried to help her and care for her in his own way.]
I'm so sorry I've pushed you away. That I've pushed them away. It's been a long, long time since I've even considered... It's never been right, to me, to be happy when the people around me aren't. There's always been something more important and I've never wanted to interfere with that.
[And she almost lost him because of that. Her chest tightens and her heart twists at the thought. Her eyes meet his.]
I'm sorry.
[Because 'thank you' doesn't seem to be the right choice of words.]
no subject
But Ezio and she are very much alike: they care too much.
Hawke's eyes find his when he speaks of his family, her gaze sympathetic and pained.]
Oh, Ezio. I'm so sorry.
[His family gone, killed for no reason. He's lost so much. And all he has is Claudia, as she only has Bethany. Their lives are so parallel to one another that she begins to see, at last, what Ezio means when he warns her against vengeance.]
It's not about vengeance. I just...don't want to lose anyone anymore. I have nothing left but my sister and even now, I have to send her away. She can't be with me after Kirkwall.
[She's never told him about that battle with Meredith and even now, she's not ready yet. But she wants him to know that she understands his caution.]
My father is dead, my brother killed by an ogre when I left my home, and my mother... A blood mage did horrible things to her. I can't tell you-- [And couldn't, even now. That night has been burned into her memory forever. Her grip tightens on him briefly.] I just don't want it to happen to anyone else. I don't want to keep losing the family I've gained. But we've already left Kirkwall and we've separated.
Once I've left Zelien, I'll probably never see them again.
[She and Anders will be hunted down, Anders for his destruction of the Chantry, and Hawke for her aid to the mage uprising. And though she's lived so much of her life on the run for one reason or another, she suffers no illusions about keeping alive with the Chantry and Templars actively looking for her.
It takes a moment, even in his arms and in his gentle grip, for her to comprehend what he's trying to say. The first, of course, because Hawke does not love herself first and never will, having learned from her father that life is not worth living without others, without their love, and without the hope that they give simply by being alive.
Her voice is quiet when she speaks, a smile on her lips that is all too self-deprecating.]
No, it's not. It's not a life I care to live.
[Without those she cares for, she knows she will never live as she once did. Hawke never wanted gold or an estate, a title or the respect of a city. All she wanted was to be loved and to have a family to call her own, people she could care for and to adore in her own way. To protect, to serve. And absent of those people, her friends and blood family, she has nothing.
And it's not much of a life.
Her hands cover his and squeeze gently. For all that he has hurt her, he has only tried to make her see. He's only tried to help her and care for her in his own way.]
I'm so sorry I've pushed you away. That I've pushed them away. It's been a long, long time since I've even considered... It's never been right, to me, to be happy when the people around me aren't. There's always been something more important and I've never wanted to interfere with that.
[And she almost lost him because of that. Her chest tightens and her heart twists at the thought. Her eyes meet his.]
I'm sorry.
[Because 'thank you' doesn't seem to be the right choice of words.]